The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
