He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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