so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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