Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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