And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Michael Bay diarrhea
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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