UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
false alarm. still invincible.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
