Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
