i jhust puked up my retainher.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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