I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize