i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
