"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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