I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
