If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
