You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
