Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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