i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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