I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
