Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I could fuck to npr.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
