Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
