woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
