This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
