I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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