Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
