I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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