A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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