Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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