Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
