he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
