dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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