They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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