what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
