I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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