You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
