i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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