i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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