I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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