i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
