Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
