Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
