A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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