i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
