im six kinds of drunk right now
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
