we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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