It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
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Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
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I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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