I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
this is an emotional support booty call
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
