i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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