I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
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Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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