Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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