we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
