My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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