I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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