mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
