Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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