im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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