What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
