I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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