I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
