We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
