Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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