he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
