I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
