it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
