And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
