Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
