we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
