My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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