I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
