Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
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Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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