I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
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I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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