That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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