I am puke
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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